Just Who Was Supposed to Watch the Watchmen?

Just like every other self-respecting geek in North America, I went to see Watchmen in its opening weekend. As it's now weeks after the fact, I won't bother with an in-depth review other than to say I was impressed with the audicity of the project and genuinely appreciate the obvious love director Zack Snyder & Co. had for the material.

The real reason for this post was to wonder aloud -- or at least quietly and electronically ponder -- just who that movie could have possibly appealled to other than geeks with more than a passing interest in the original comics or collected graphic novel. Obviously, my own friends, family and co-workers aren't exactly a mirror image of the movie-going populace at large, but three things came abudantly clear in the last month. Firstly, those who read the graphic novel were DYING to see the movie. Secondly, those who hadn't read the graphic novel ranged from having never heard of the movie to simply having little interest in seeing it. Finally, if the uninitiated happened to be female, the only way she'd be going to watch the Watchmen would be a) if she was drugged, b) if she was bribed, or c) over her dead body.

Due to its somewhat limited demographic appeal, it's not surprising that Watchmen has done only solid, not spectacular, business at the box office. However, $98,772,123 in 15 days of release is nothing to sneeze at, so there must be someone other than male geeks aged 18 to 35 and possibly their drugged, bribed or dead girlfriends or wives forking over their hard-earned cash.

With that in mind, Pop Culture A.D.D. is proud to present our look at the micro-demographics that have no doubt helped propel Watchmen to the $100 million mark.

1. Fans of eclectic soundtracks and/or 99 Luftballons:

Seriously, if you heard Nat King Cole, My Chemical Romance, K.C. and the Sunshine Band, Leonard Cohen and the Budapest Symphony Orchestra one after the other on a friend's iPod, you'd assume they were insane. Even crazier than the soundtrack is the fact that the soundtrack available in stores leaves out Nena's 99 Luftballons, which I will no doubt now have playing in my mind every time I'm in a restaurant cleaning my glasses and a hot woman walks in.

2. Fans of Dr. Tobias Funke who just can't wait for the (please God let it happen) Arrested Development movie:

Sometimes, you want a Carl Weathers-trained, Blue Man Group-worshipping, never-nude, analrapist (analyst + therapist, for those who don't know) with the reflexes of a cat... and all you can get is a nude, blue Superman who looks a lot like the lead singer of Stillwater. C'est la vie.

3. Middleage men who can only get it up while in costume:

Dan Dreiberg can't get it up for Laurie Juspeczyk, but you bet your comically-timed flame-thrower blast that Nite Owl II has no problem throwing Silk Spectre II the ol' high, hard one. It's hard to decide whether Dan Dreiberg has self-esteem issues or just a fetish for thigh-high f@ck-me boots, but either way, he must be a wonderful role model for middle-aged men who think that Erectile Dysfunction has left them limp forever. (Just to be clear, we think Jay Maynard, aka "Tron Guy", is awesome and has no such issues and is no doubt an amazing lover.)

4. Fans of eating Hollywood's regurgitated worms:

"I find film in its modern form to be quite bullying," Watchmen author Alan Moore said. "It spoon-feeds us, which has the effect of watering down our collective cultural imagination. It is as if we are freshly hatched birds looking up with our mouths open waiting for Hollywood to feed us more regurgitated worms. The 'Watchmen' film sounds like more regurgitated worms." (So we're clear, that is just about the nicest quote from Moore concerning Hollywood and the bastardization of his works of genius. I thought he'd love how faithful LXG: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen was, but I guess he's hard to please.)

5. Hardcore fans of The Simpsons who want to know what all the fuss is about:

I'd be excited too, Milhouse. I'd be excited too.