Time is on my side: Console Wars Edition

Everybody talks about how hectic modern life is and how short for time they are. Actually, I take that back. I don’t think “everybody” talks about that at all. I think advertising agencies and multinational corporations just want us to feel that way so we’ll all buy crappy microwave dinners and robots to vacuum the floors. (Geek sidebar: I like vacuuming and don’t have any interest in a Roomba… the Scooba, on the other hand, would be a welcome addition to the family. Stupid washing the floor.)

What I do think, however, is that modern life has spoiled us with its awesomeness, leaving us wishing we had more time to enjoy every aspect of its splendor. There simply isn’t enough time in the day to enjoy your iPod, watch Lost in HD, do your weigh-in and be scolded by your Wii Fit, surf the net, throw in a couple of Blu-Rays, and fire up your favourite video game console. Let’s face it: we aren’t really a stressed-out society with no time to breathe. We are coddled and spoiled by technology and it isn’t a bad thing. It is awesome and you should be proud to live in this time and age. Suck it, Bronze Age.

All of this is just a long-winded way of getting to my main point of the day, which is that I love video games and have spent more than my fair share of time proving that in my life. My parents, God bless ‘em, helped start this little love affair when they bought our very first computer, the too-cool-for-school Atari 400. Since that wonderful Christmas day well over two decades ago, I’ve dumped the equivalent of the gross domestic product of a third-world country into an avalanche of video game consoles… but which one was best? That’s exactly what we’re here to find out.

Pop Culture A.D.D. is proud to present our Top-11 Game-Playin’, Time-Wastin’, Thumb-Bustin’ Consoles of All-Time:

Honourable Mention: Sega Dreamcast.


Purchased on a whim long after they were new and fashionable, the Dreamcast was notable for having a keyboard, a MASSIVE controller that was about as cumbersome as a Hummer in downtown Paris, and online connectivity. Sadly, it is also notable for my almost never having played it and total inability to remember what games I owned for it. Sorry, Dreamcast, you’re no Genesis.

11: Super Nintendo Entertainment System / SNES

After waiting a couple of years for the price of the SNES to come down, I eventually picked one up used and it had the distinction of being the first video game console I actually had in my bedroom to enjoy in peace. I believe they refer to those days as halcyon days.

Killer app: Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. The Super Star Wars series was the sole reason I bought a Super Nintendo. Not surprisingly, it was super.

Era of my life wasted: Late teens. In fact, I was working part-time at Electronics Boutique / EB Games at the time, which would account for my being able to afford the system and Star Wars games in the first place. I also had a high-maintenance girlfriend at the time, which is why I didn’t keep the system too long. In essence, I traded my SNES for heavy petting. Thanks, SNES.

10: Atari ST

The Atari ST was my family’s logical follow-up purchase to our much-beloved Atari 400. Admittedly, neither the Atari 400 nor Atari ST are technically video game consoles… but I’m not technically a professional video game writer, so you’re just going to have to deal with it. The ST was memorable for having a Windows-like operating system and a peripheral modem. The internet didn’t exist at the time, but you could dial directly into someone else’s computer via BBS (Bulletin Board System) to download pirated games and porn. It was just like modern times, except much, much slower.


Killer app: Nebulus / Tower Toppler. You looked like Q-Bert, but you owned a submarine and climbed rotating towers to… umm… topple them. It was much more rad than you might imagine.

Era of my life wasted: Pre-teens to early teens. Ew. I kind of just grossed myself thinking about the whole porn thing at that age. Boys will be boys, I suppose.

9: Nintendo Gamecube

It kind of breaks my heart to see the Gamecube so low on this list, as it really was a pretty great system. It offered a nice mix of traditional Nintendo games with Mario & Co. and more adult-oriented games like Tiger Woods golf, which was awesome, and Resident Evil, which quite literally scared me into not playing it anymore.


Killer app: Super Monkey Ball. You’re a monkey. In a ball. Sometimes, the best ideas are the simplest ones. (And sometimes the monkey would have to open the ball in two and use it as a hang glider, which was frickin’ awesome.)

Era of my life wasted: Mid-to-late 20s. My now-wife and I were “living in sin” at the time, sharing a little townhouse together. The day we first found that townhouse together still stands among the happiest days of my life. To top it all off, she still married me despite knowing full well I played Super Monkey Ball on a daily basis.

8: Nintendo Entertainment System / NES

As you are about to discover, my allegiances don’t exactly lie with Nintendo. Just as some people like Coke and some people have actual working taste buds, I was always more of an Atari / Sega / Sony man myself. That being said, the NES had its charms, not least of which was…


Killer app: Super Mario Bros. Seriously, if you can hear the theme music from that game and not smile, you are a soulless bastard.

Era of my life wasted: Pre-double-digits to pre-teens. I had a friend at the time that was a hardcore Nintendo fan. He subscribed to the Nintendo magazine (Nintendo Power?), had the Nintendo Power Glove and the gold-plated Zelda cartridge. I guess that was the first time in my life I realized there was being a geek and being a GEEK.

7: Sony Playstation

After years of the console wars being fought between Sega and Nintendo, Sony changed everything when they released the first Playstation, which sadly was the beginning of the end for Sega as a console maker. The original Playstation is notable for its controller, which introduced the world to the awesomeness of the triangle-circle-ex-square button layout, which is still used by Sony to this day.

Killer app: Earthworm Jim was pretty cool and Siphon Filter was bad-ass for being the first game I ever played to require stealth and shooting people in the head from a distance, but when it comes right down to it, nothing tops Crash Bandicoot. Why? Because it was a bandicoot who rode polar bears and shockingly cute tigers, that’s why.

Era of my life wasted: Late-teens to early 20s. My faithful Playstation joined me on my trip to college. My first college buddy and I used to skip afternoon class, get 12 cans each of Old Milwaukee and have epic video baseball marathons. My time in college with the original Playstation introduced me to Gran Turismo and the fact that Dodge Vipers are fucking evil.

6: Nintendo 64

To me, at least, the Nintendo 64 was the Kurt Cobain-following-Neil-Young’s-it’s-better-to-burn-out-than-it-is-to-fade-advice award for being awesome, albeit briefly. I got my Nintendo 64 late in its product lifecycle and even though I think one of its games is among my all-time favourites, it pulled a Keyser Söze… and like that *poof* it was gone.


Killer app: With all due respect to Mario Golf, the Mario Party franchise, and even Super Mario 64, Mario Kart 64 was the fuckin’ BOMB and still stands proudly alongside my all-time favourite games.

Era of my life wasted: Early 20s. It was during that shining-but-brief period in the post-Playstation, pre-Gamecube era of my life as a video game geek. I won’t forget you, Kurt Cobain / Keyser Söze / Nintendo 64.

Tune in tomorrow for the top-five! Same bat-time, same bat-channel!

You know who just doesn't give an eff?

Namor. That's who.

For a neck-snappin', name-callin', bad-guy-smiting good time with Marvel most ornery ruler of the sea, check out Captain America #48, written by Ed Brubaker with art by Butch Guice, Luke Ross and Steve Epting.

Things That Are Awesome: The Star Wars Edition

As you may have been able to guess from Pop Culture A.D.D.'s top-25 movie characters post, I love Star Wars -- despite the fact that there hasn't been a really good Star Wars movie in 29 frickin' years (26 years if you love Ewoks).

Like a woman who keeps going back to her adulterous, slap-happy spouse and hoping this time will be different, I will always love Star Wars, no matter how poorly the franchise treats me. Even after everything that has happened (Here’s to you, Natalie Portman / Padme dying of a broken heart.) and the thousands of dollars George Lucas has extracted from me and my family over the years, I still love Star Wars.

Maybe it’s because my Star Wars pillow case used to make me feel cool; maybe it’s because the original, black Han Solo blaster was one of the most bad-ass toys ever; maybe it’s because the Christmas my brother and I got the Millennium Falcon was the best Christmas ever. Really, it’s about more than just good memories. It comes down to the fact that the whole Star Wars experience was shared by an entire generation, which perhaps inevitably led to this:


Created as an April Fool’s Day joke by the wonderful bastards at ThinkGeek.com, the tauntaun sleeping bag may well be the pinnacle of human achievement. Sure, the internet and the internal combustion engine and the Concord are all well and good, but they are no tauntaun sleeping bag, that’s for sure.


So thank you, ThinkGeek.com and all the Star Wars fans out there who pulled together and decided that their life wouldn’t be complete without one of these beautiful April-Fool’s-Day-gag-turned-geek-dream-come-true sleeping bags to call their own.

Friday Throwdown! Stringer Bell vs. Michael Scott!

As a kid, I found it confusing when an actor I recognized showed up in something new. The obvious example is the mind-fuck of having Han Solo show up wearing a fedora and carrying a whip. As much as I grew to love Indiana Jones, when that first, iconic reveal of Harrison Ford’s face played, six-year-old me was expecting to see Chewbacca next.



Thankfully, 32-year-old me gets slightly less confused and sometimes even enjoys it when an actor crosses over from one thing I love to another. Case in point: actor Idris Elba, who is best known for playing the awesomely awesome Russell “Stringer” Bell on HBO’s awesomely awesome The Wire. (He’s also known in my house as the man my wife would leave me for given the chance, but that’s neither here nor there.) Recently, Elba started showing up on another of my favourite shows, the American version of The Office, and I’ve got to say, like a cheeseburger on a hangover day, I’m lovin’ it.

All of this is a long-winded way of getting to this week’s throwdown. If you want to see Idris Elba as paper company executive Charles Miner going head-to-head with paper company regional manager Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), all you have to do is watch The Office. However, to see Stringer Bell and Michael Scott in a groin-grabbingly awesome throwdown, you need Pop Culture A.D.D.

Let’s meet this week’s challengers:


The Wire’s Russell “Stringer” Bell!


The Office’s Michael Scott!

*Ding ding ding* Let's get it on!

Career Path:

Stringer Bell grew up in the Baltimore projects alongside best friend Avon Barksdale and enforcer-to-be Wee-Bey Brice. After establishing himself in the drug trade, Bell turned mostly legit and got into real estate development, political bribery, buying nice suits and occasionally planning the murder of Avon’s family members. You know, all the typical work-a-day stuff.

After an embarrassing stint in children’s television during his youth, Michael Scott worked his way up through the ranks of the Dunder Mifflin paper company, from successful salesman to regional manager of the Scranton Branch. A friend first, a boss second and possibly an entertainer third, Scott’s time at Dunder Mifflin recently came to an abrupt end, when he left the company to start the aptly-named Michael Scott Paper Company.


Advantage: Michael Scott. (Sorry, Stringer, maybe you needed to buy a “World’s Best Drug Dealer” mug to better make your case.)

Extracurricular Interests:

Stringer Bell: Getting straight As at the Baltimore City Community College; building an impressive home library; looking over the top of his glasses; makin’ copies; forming co-ops with other drug dealers; complying with Robert’s Rules of Order; being cold as ice.

Michael Scott: Cooking his foot on a George Foreman grill; rapping; partying at Scranton parties that don’t stop; writing “very sexual” parodies of Tears in Heaven; eating at Chili’s; playing hockey; pulling guns during improve class; penning awesome screenplays; wearing flattering jeans; pointing out what she said.


Advantage: Stringer Bell. (Come on, he makes even community college classes seem bad-ass.)

Love Life:

While D’Angelo Barksdale was in the hoosegow, Stringer Bell swooped in all suave and tall and started dating Barksdale’s girlfriend and baby mama, Donette.

Michael Scott has a habit of dating or wanting to date any attractive woman he comes in contact with, from his real estate agent to his boss to a dead woman in an office supply catalogue to a concierge in Winnipeg to a stranger at a blood drive. However, the true love of his life is no doubt former Scranton branch Human Resources representative Holly, whose Yoda impression is just as bad as Michael’s.


Advantage: Michael Scott. (Seriously, Stringer. Donette? Damn. That’s cold, even for you.)

Friends, Enemies and Acquaintances:

Apart from the aforementioned Barksdales and Wee-Bay, Stringer Bell had a pretty eclectic group of people to call his friends, enemies and acquaintances. Calvin “Cheese” Wagstaff (as played by frickin’ Method Man), Slim Charles, Preston “Bodie” Broadus, Proposition Joe Stewart, and Malik “Poot” Carr all count as friends. Omar Little, Marlo Stanfield, and Brother Mouzone all count as enemies. Sadly, Stringer was a pretty business-before-pleasure type of guy and didn’t really have any true friends… at least not friends that weren’t trying to kill him.

Like Stringer Bell, Michael Scott’s social circle is lousy with co-workers and business relations. While he considers Jim Halpert to be his best friend, the sentiment isn’t exactly shared. In the end, his friends and acquaintances don’t really matter; all that matters is his mortal enemy: Toby Flenderson. Michael’s unadulterated hatred of Toby is a thing of pure beauty and their relationship belongs in the TV Enemies Hall of Fame alongside Sam Malone & Gary of Gary’s Old Towne Tavern and Maggie & The Uni-brow Baby.


Advantage: Stringer Bell. (As awesome as Michael vs. Toby is, you can’t put a price on hanging out with guys named Cheese, Slim and Poot.)

Last Appearance:


Trapped inside one of his own real estate developments by the shotgun-carrying, Robin Hood-esque, homosexual bad-ass Omar Little and the bow-tie-wearing, Harper’s-reading, Islamic bad-ass Brother Mouzone, Stringer Bell goes down in a hail of bullets that would make Bonnie & Clyde proud.

In a scene right out of Jerry Maguire (assuming Jerry Maguire was funny, which it mostly certainly was not), Michael Scott leaves Dunder Mifflin to start his own company, taking only loyal receptionist-turned-salesperson Pam Beesly with him.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqbxZG6FMeI)

Advantage: Stringer Bell. (Sweet merciful crap. Seriously, just watch the clip below. That is some Grade-A-level awesomeness right there.)

Final Scorecard
Stringer Bell: 3
Michael Scott: 2

It was a close battle and Michael Scott did Dunder Mifflin proud but in the end, Stringer Bell came out on top. Don’t feel too bad though, Michael, Stringer had to die to do it.

Rest in peace, Stringer. Like The Snorks, Platinum Blonde and the original BK Burger Buddies, you were too beautiful for this world.

Random Things You Maybe Didn’t Know Were Awesome But Totally Are

The world of pop culture is an expansive one. No matter how hardcore the geek, it’s always possible to miss out on something truly awesome. There just isn’t enough time in the day to watch every TV show, catch every movie, read every comic book, click every link or enjoy every book. As a public service, we will periodically do our best to keep you up-to-date on awesome things you may have missed out on.

With that in mind, we’re proud to present Pop Culture A.D.D.’s first installment of Random Things You Maybe Didn’t Know Were Awesome But Totally Are:

Better Off Ted (TV)

Admittedly, it might be a bit early to judge just how good Better Off Ted really is, as it’s only three episodes in to what will be a long, slightly successful run. Smart, zany and tempered with charm, Better Off Ted hits some of the same notes as shows like 30 Rock and Andy Richter Controls the Universe. Sadly, the latter got axed, so who knows what the future holds for Better Off Ted. Thanks for ruining TV, Survivor and Two and a Half Men.

Hasbro’s Marvel Super Hero Squad (Toys)


Fact: Geeks like to collect geeky things. Fact: There’s only so much room on your desk. Fact: Two-inch-tall Marvel super heroes are awesome. Fact: Apparently, even Iron Man (who wears a full helmet) and Ghost Rider (who doesn’t have lips) can smile.

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay: A Novel (Books)


While most comic book fans have probably already read or at least heard of Michael Chabon’s Pulitzer Prize-winning novel from 2000, some other geeks may have missed it. No matter what part of the geek world you call home, Chabon’s tale of wonder, heartache and heartbreak during the comic industry’s Golden Age is worth the read. (Warning: It is so well written and Chabon’s command of the English language is so magnificent, it will make you feel stupid. Really stupid. Like you just watched Weekend at Bernie’s three-times-in-a-row stupid.)

New Episodes of The Simpsons (TV)


I know it’s cool for the geek literati to mock The Simpsons these days, claiming nothing funny or clever or worthwhile has happened to Homer & Co. since Season Eight. However, that simply isn’t the case. For example, you need only check out last week’s episode for this little (possibly paraphrased) gem of an exchange:

Store clerk: “The last time I checked, pirates weren’t gay.”
Homer: “Eww. How did you check?”

The Wire (DVD)

http://periscopestudio.com/category/steve-lieber/

You may have read that The Wire was awesome. You may have heard that The Wire is awesome. You may be sick and tired of people talking about how awesome it is. However, until every last person in North America has witnessed the glory of The Wire first-hand, don’t expect to stop having it recommended to you. It may take up 60 hours of your life to plough through all five seasons, but it is worth every second. (Warning: You might not understand what the fuck half the characters are saying at first, but stick with it and you’ll be rewarded with a The Godfather-meets-Shakespeare-meets-Oz-meets-Boyz N the Hood level of awesomeness.)

Banana Sunday (Comics)

Fans of Marvel comics might recognize Banana Sunday artist Colleen Coover’s work from back-up features in kid-friendly Marvel titles like Power Pack or X-Men First Class. Fans of ultra-cute lesbian “girly porno” might recognize her work from Small Favors. Anything she draws is sure to bring a smile to your face, but to really crank up the amperage on your smile, check out her four-issue Banana Sunday series with writer Root Nibot. It’s about monkeys… smart, love-sick, narcoleptic monkeys.

Arrested Development: The Movie (Movies)


Just the thought of being able to spend time with Michael, George Michael, Lucille, George Sr., Buster, Gob, Lindsay, Tobias, Maeby, Oscar, Barry, Bob, Lucille 2, Carl, Ann, J. Walter, Ron Howard and Franklin has me downright giddy. This movie simply can’t start rolling soon enough. If you missed the TV show, the DVDs can be had on the cheap and are simply lousy with awesomeness.

Top Gear (TV)


Even if you aren’t necessarily into cars, you owe it to yourself to track down a few episodes of Top Gear. Although technically a car show, Top Gear is equal parts travelogue, comedy, celebrity showcase and Jackass-style shenanigans. Co-hosts Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May could host any show in the world and make it enjoyable – and that’s before you factor in the unadulterated awesomeness that is The Stig.

Planet Earth (Blu-Ray)


The real planet earth is awesome but can be a pretty expensive and dangerous place – especially when you want to see how amazing snow leopards are. Thankfully, BBC’s Planet Earth on Blu-Ray can be had for $60 or so, enjoyed from the comfort and safety on your own home and might even be more beautiful than the real thing.

Secret Invasion: Thor #1 – 3 (Comics)


Marvel’s attempt at resurrecting Alpha Flight as Omega Flight with Beta Ray Bill on the roster was disastrous. Seriously, it made me want to cry – although nothing could make me cry as much as the new Guardian cried in that series. Jesus, Guardian, man up. However, Secret Invasion: Thor was just as awesome as Omega Flight was lame. How awesome, you ask? Thor-and-Beta-Ray-Bill-dropping-Asgard-on-a-villain’s-head awesome, that’s how awesome.

Thursday Morning Lost Quick Thought: Episode 511

Last night’s episode of Lost was good overall, not great but good. However, one aspect of the show was great and that was Hurley and Miles sitting around talking about time travel. Seriously, those guys need their own show where all they do is sit on 1970s furniture and debate everything from time travel to the existence of God to who would win a race between The Flash and Superman. Hurley’s wide-eyed innocence and childish-yet-rock-solid logic versus Miles’ scientific knowledge and intellect just makes me giggle.


Best line of the episode? Juliet needs to talk to Jack alone and kicks Hurley and Miles out of the house like they are a couple of rambunctious kids. On their way out of the house, Miles happily demands:

“Ask me some more questions about time travel.”

And that, my friends, is awesome.

When Pop Culture Worlds Collide: Jacob! Lost! Dexter!

Before we even get started, let’s just get this out of the way:

As much as we gave Entertainment Weekly and their lame “20 All-Time Coolest Heroes in Pop Culture” list a hard time in yesterday’s post, we have to hand it to them; they can still break the occasional ultra-cool story. Case in point: In Michael Ausiello’s aptly-named column, The Ausiello Files, the author spilled the (unconfirmed) beans on some pretty intriguing Lost casting news. (So, we take you back, Entertainment Weekly. You had us at “Entertainment”.)
Specifically, the wife-beating Paul from Dexter is going to be the shack-haunting Jacob from Lost. Even more specifically, actor Mark Pellegrino, who is perhaps best known in pop culture circles as Paul Bennett, the now-deceased ex-husband of on-again-off-again Dexter love interest Rita Bennett, is going to be playing Jacob in a flashback during the Lost season finale.

For fans of Lost, any news concerning the show is big news, especially as we count down to the show’s final, sure-to-rock-our-socks-off season. However, given the mysterious nature of the Jacob character, this news is like a 9-volt battery to the tongue of any true Lost fan.

To celebrate the unknown awesomeness that lies ahead, Pop Culture A.D.D. is proud to present the Top-Five Reasons Why Mark Pellegrino’s Casting is Awesome:

5. Lost = Awesome. Dexter = Awesome. Lost + Dexter = Awesome².

It’s the new math. (If only the writers of Lost could bring in Dexter’s Debra Morgan (Jennifer Carpenter) to start dropping f-bombs when things get crazy. It would add a touch of welcome realism to have her say “What the fuck, Ben?” when things go south for the castaways.

4. It’s coming. It’s coming. It’s coming. It’s coming. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

That is a fairly direct quote – right down to the girly squeal of delight – of what my brain says whenever I think of how quickly this year’s season finale and the entire final season of Lost is approaching. (So. Many. Questions. To. Answer.) The latest casting news just makes it all the more real.

3. Pellegrino can play unhinged and play it well.

You know what there is not enough of on Lost? Crazy people. Personally, I don’t think you hire Mark Pellegrino if you’re going to write Jacob as a totally stable, well-reasoned type of cat. This bodes well for potential all-crazy showdowns in the future (or past, or some kind of weird present where the past and future collide).

2. Daniel Faraday needs a Moby Dick to his Captain Ahab.

Obviously, this is purely speculative… but there is way more to Faraday than his Beatles mop-top and aw-shucks demeanor would imply, right? Well, beyond the crazy things we already know, that is. It seems most characters on Lost have a good foil or counter-point. Jack (science) has Locke (faith). Ben (douche-baggery) has Charles Widmore (rampant douche-baggery). It just makes sense that Faraday has a formidable foe to tangle with.

1. Jacob is a bad-ass. More bad-assery on Lost is a good thing.

Here are a few things we may-or-may-not potentially, possibly know about Jacob:

· He is / was /may become the leader of The Others.
· He orders / ordered / may order Ben Linus around.
· He can / did / may scare John Locke.
· He likes / liked / may like to hang around dead people.
· He lives /lived /may someday live in the shrieking shack.

Now, answer truthfully: Do you or do you not want to know more about that guy?