Pop Culture A.D.D. Presents: Whaaaaaaaaaaa?

Every once in a while, someone in the public eye says something so outlandish or bizarre that you just have to take a moment to stop, shake your head and exclaim “Whaaaaaaaaaaa?”

Obviously, actors, writers, directors and producers – basically, anyone who has ever worked in Hollywood for a day in their lives – offer up their astonishingly curious insights with alarming regularity. That being said, if you really want to come face to face with crazy, look no further that professional athletes.

Between the endless positive reinforcement of virtually any behavior (dog fighting excepted, of course, right Mr. Vick?), the language barriers, the ridiculous entourages, the slang, the money and the removal from normal society, athletes can be a treasure trove of the bizarre.

Without further adieu, Pop Culture A.D.D. is proud to present the following quote:

"Well, I try not to eat the lady… I try not to eat the man! Just give me the car. I try to find the car. Worst case scenario, I eat the lady."

Once you get the inevitable “Whaaaaaaaaaaa?” out of the way, you’re mind will no doubt be reeling, incapable of recognizing the meaning in this absurd, pseudo-sexual words. Fear not, that is the normal reaction to reading quotes from athletes.

The quote in question was given in one of the three following contexts:

1st: New York Jets draft pick and quarterback Mark Sanchez, during his post-draft interview, trying to diplomatically answer questions about exploring the swingers’ lifestyle in college parking lots.

2nd: Houston Rockets forward Ron Artest, after eating Flintstones vitamins during a radio interview and being asked whether he looks to see which Flintstone he is eating.

3rd: New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter, after being asked if he’d join teammate Alex Rodriguez and his rumoured girlfriend, Madonna, in a threesome if they bought him the first Rolls-Royce Ghost.

Sadly, the world of pro sports is bizarre enough that all three answers could seem plausible if you spend enough time reading athlete interviews. However, only the third context is correct and shows just how highly anticipated the new Rolls-Royce is in the sports world.

(Just kidding, of course. The proper context is second, meaning the quote comes from certified fan-puncher Ron Artest. Way to keep up that strength, Ron.)