5: Nintendo Wii
Being a video game geek isn’t always easy. The sore thumbs, the ghostly white complexion, the empty bank account, the theme song from Tetris constantly playing in your head… it can be quite a burden to deal with on your own. That’s why it’s exciting when someone decides to share in that part of your geekiness. The Wii is one of those rare, family-friendly consoles that my wife actually wanted more than I did – although it didn’t take much convincing to get me on board. Apart from the Wii Fit balance board mocking me, the Wii has been great and I’ve grown to love it in all its so-cute-I-want-to-barf glory.
Killer app: The Wii Fit has honestly helped me get in marginally better shape, which is cool. That being said, I’m no athlete and I don’t earn a living thanks to my physical prowess or lack thereof. I use my mind grapes to bring home the bacon, which is why Big Brain Academy: Wii Degree is my app of choice.
Era of my life wasted: Early 30s (present). As much as the Wii is in fact a gaming console from the same company that wasted so many hours of my life in the past, I’ve got to say, it has helped more than hindered. It’s like a frickin’ Bizarro world.
4: Atari 400
Ah, childhood. It was a simple time of 8-bit computers, dot matrix printers, tape drives, floppy discs, BASIC programming, and wanting to murder my older brother after he’d beat me at Match Racer or Claim Jumper. Seriously, for such a simple system, it had some seriously bad-ass games that could turn brothers or the best of friends against each other. I still remember it all so well (and still hate my brother so much because of it). Thanks, Atari!
Killer app: Pac-Man. Ms. Pac-Man. Frogger. Q-Bert. The Atari game catalogue is a veritable who’s who of ass-kicking games. However, there was still one game to rule them… and that game was Joust. Joust had it all and when I say all I mean knights, ostriches, pterodactyls and lava.
Era of my life wasted: Toddler through single-digits – or, as I like to think of them, the Atari years. Even after all this time, I still think lame BASIC programming jokes (10 Sin 20 Goto Hell) are funny.
3: Sony Playstation 3 / PS3
Oh, Playstation 3, why are you so awesome? Is it your wireless controllers? Is it your Bluetooth remote that doesn’t have to point at you? Is it your Blu-Ray player? Is it because you are the very best kind of PS3 and can play all my PS2 games? Is it because you are pretty? Is it because your downloadable content is awesome? Is it because Rock Band 2 is the shit? Is it because someday soon I’ll be playing God of War III on you? The great thing is, my love affair with my PS3 is still in its honeymoon phase. Assuming I’m not in jail for committing some kind of perverse sexual act with my PS3, it might even end up higher on this list someday.
Killer app: I was looking through the dictionary and stumbled across this entry: geekgasm \ ‘gēk-ga-zem \ intense or paroxysmal excitement as experienced by a longtime fan of the Ratchet & Clank franchise the first time they play Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction on the PS3. So yeah, you could say I liked it just fine.
Era of my life wasted: Early 30s (present); also known as the High-Definition Era. I’ve got to say, I’m enjoying HD and the power of the PS3, whether it’s as a game console or Blu-Ray player. That being said, digital characters in video games definitely have it easier than real actors on Blu-Rays. No amount of make-up or Vaseline on the lens can hide the fact that movie stars are human like the rest of us. Remind me to pass on watching Rodney Dangerfield, Edward James Olmos or pornography on Blu-Ray. As for the PS3 itself, Ferris Bueller said it best: “If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up.”
2: Sony Playstation 2
As wonderful as the PS3 is, the PS2 accomplished the same goal (of being a kick-ass multimedia powerhouse) for nearly a decade – and is still enjoying strong sales. Before my PS2 finally gave up the ghost, it had acted as my DVD player and introduced me to some of the best video games (Ratchet & Clank 1-3, God of War I & II, Gran Turismo 3 & 4) I’ve ever played. If they ever do get around to creating the mythical PS9 and it is the pinnacle of all things, it will have you to thank for helping it get there, PS2.
Killer app: I just don’t think I can do it. It would be like a father openly admitting which kid he liked best. The Ratchet & Clank franchise was the most fun. The God of War franchise was the most jaw-dropping, cinematic and bad-ass. The Gran Turismo franchise was the most addictive.
Era of my life wasted: Mid-20s to early 30s. In a very real way, the PS2 had a direct impact on my life – and not just contributing to the arthritis I will no doubt have in my thumbs some day. Gran Turismo 3: A-Spec was released in 2001 and made me fall in love with the Subaru Impreza WRX STi, just like everyone else who played the game. However, unlike everyone else, I managed to actually get a job writing for Subaru a few years later, which was really the start of my career as I know it now. Thanks for helping me pay the bills, PS2!
1: Sega Genesis
Here we are at the top of Pop Culture A.D.D.’s Top-11 Game-Playin’, Time-Wastin’, Thumb-Bustin’ Consoles of All-Time and frankly, it couldn’t have ended any other way. 1989 was a pretty memorable year. The Berlin Wall came down; pro-democracy protestors clashed with Chinese security forces in Tiananmen Square; and George Bush Sr. became President of the United States just so he could someday vomit on the Japanese Prime Minister. However, I was 13, so my world view was pretty limited and all I cared about was my new Sega Genesis. It was beautiful. It was exciting. It probably pushed back my social development by at least a year or two.
Killer app: Altered Beast, Golden Axe and Shinobi were all pretty bad-ass but in the end, the Genesis was really just the needle to inject NHL video games and feed my addiction. Originally just called NHL Hockey and then NHLPA Hockey 93 in its second year, the series fell into its familiar naming convention starting with NHL 94, to be followed by NHL 95 and so on. The day each new cartridge was released might as well have been a school holiday. There were tournaments; there was joy, there were tears; there was the 1993 Chicago Blackhawks lineup of Jeremy Roenick, Steve Larmer, Michel Goulet, Chris Chelios, Steve Smith and Ed Belfour; there was that memorable cameo in Swingers. It was magic.
Era of my life wasted: Early-to-late teens; sporadically throughout my early 20s; a short time in my late 20s; no doubt sometime in the not-too-distant future. Quite simply, nothing in this world makes the beer go down quite as well as NHL hockey on the Genesis does. Playing NHL hockey in the basement of my best friend’s Mom’s house wasn’t so much about video games as it was a testament to mind over matter and the ability of a Canadian teenager to eat Taco Bell, drink at least half a case of beer and still be able to deke the goalie and score on a breakaway, which will be forever known as “a 93”.
Being a video game geek isn’t always easy. The sore thumbs, the ghostly white complexion, the empty bank account, the theme song from Tetris constantly playing in your head… it can be quite a burden to deal with on your own. That’s why it’s exciting when someone decides to share in that part of your geekiness. The Wii is one of those rare, family-friendly consoles that my wife actually wanted more than I did – although it didn’t take much convincing to get me on board. Apart from the Wii Fit balance board mocking me, the Wii has been great and I’ve grown to love it in all its so-cute-I-want-to-barf glory.
Killer app: The Wii Fit has honestly helped me get in marginally better shape, which is cool. That being said, I’m no athlete and I don’t earn a living thanks to my physical prowess or lack thereof. I use my mind grapes to bring home the bacon, which is why Big Brain Academy: Wii Degree is my app of choice.
Era of my life wasted: Early 30s (present). As much as the Wii is in fact a gaming console from the same company that wasted so many hours of my life in the past, I’ve got to say, it has helped more than hindered. It’s like a frickin’ Bizarro world.
4: Atari 400
Ah, childhood. It was a simple time of 8-bit computers, dot matrix printers, tape drives, floppy discs, BASIC programming, and wanting to murder my older brother after he’d beat me at Match Racer or Claim Jumper. Seriously, for such a simple system, it had some seriously bad-ass games that could turn brothers or the best of friends against each other. I still remember it all so well (and still hate my brother so much because of it). Thanks, Atari!
Killer app: Pac-Man. Ms. Pac-Man. Frogger. Q-Bert. The Atari game catalogue is a veritable who’s who of ass-kicking games. However, there was still one game to rule them… and that game was Joust. Joust had it all and when I say all I mean knights, ostriches, pterodactyls and lava.
Era of my life wasted: Toddler through single-digits – or, as I like to think of them, the Atari years. Even after all this time, I still think lame BASIC programming jokes (10 Sin 20 Goto Hell) are funny.
3: Sony Playstation 3 / PS3
Oh, Playstation 3, why are you so awesome? Is it your wireless controllers? Is it your Bluetooth remote that doesn’t have to point at you? Is it your Blu-Ray player? Is it because you are the very best kind of PS3 and can play all my PS2 games? Is it because you are pretty? Is it because your downloadable content is awesome? Is it because Rock Band 2 is the shit? Is it because someday soon I’ll be playing God of War III on you? The great thing is, my love affair with my PS3 is still in its honeymoon phase. Assuming I’m not in jail for committing some kind of perverse sexual act with my PS3, it might even end up higher on this list someday.
Killer app: I was looking through the dictionary and stumbled across this entry: geekgasm \ ‘gēk-ga-zem \ intense or paroxysmal excitement as experienced by a longtime fan of the Ratchet & Clank franchise the first time they play Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction on the PS3. So yeah, you could say I liked it just fine.
Era of my life wasted: Early 30s (present); also known as the High-Definition Era. I’ve got to say, I’m enjoying HD and the power of the PS3, whether it’s as a game console or Blu-Ray player. That being said, digital characters in video games definitely have it easier than real actors on Blu-Rays. No amount of make-up or Vaseline on the lens can hide the fact that movie stars are human like the rest of us. Remind me to pass on watching Rodney Dangerfield, Edward James Olmos or pornography on Blu-Ray. As for the PS3 itself, Ferris Bueller said it best: “If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up.”
2: Sony Playstation 2
As wonderful as the PS3 is, the PS2 accomplished the same goal (of being a kick-ass multimedia powerhouse) for nearly a decade – and is still enjoying strong sales. Before my PS2 finally gave up the ghost, it had acted as my DVD player and introduced me to some of the best video games (Ratchet & Clank 1-3, God of War I & II, Gran Turismo 3 & 4) I’ve ever played. If they ever do get around to creating the mythical PS9 and it is the pinnacle of all things, it will have you to thank for helping it get there, PS2.
Killer app: I just don’t think I can do it. It would be like a father openly admitting which kid he liked best. The Ratchet & Clank franchise was the most fun. The God of War franchise was the most jaw-dropping, cinematic and bad-ass. The Gran Turismo franchise was the most addictive.
Era of my life wasted: Mid-20s to early 30s. In a very real way, the PS2 had a direct impact on my life – and not just contributing to the arthritis I will no doubt have in my thumbs some day. Gran Turismo 3: A-Spec was released in 2001 and made me fall in love with the Subaru Impreza WRX STi, just like everyone else who played the game. However, unlike everyone else, I managed to actually get a job writing for Subaru a few years later, which was really the start of my career as I know it now. Thanks for helping me pay the bills, PS2!
1: Sega Genesis
Here we are at the top of Pop Culture A.D.D.’s Top-11 Game-Playin’, Time-Wastin’, Thumb-Bustin’ Consoles of All-Time and frankly, it couldn’t have ended any other way. 1989 was a pretty memorable year. The Berlin Wall came down; pro-democracy protestors clashed with Chinese security forces in Tiananmen Square; and George Bush Sr. became President of the United States just so he could someday vomit on the Japanese Prime Minister. However, I was 13, so my world view was pretty limited and all I cared about was my new Sega Genesis. It was beautiful. It was exciting. It probably pushed back my social development by at least a year or two.
Killer app: Altered Beast, Golden Axe and Shinobi were all pretty bad-ass but in the end, the Genesis was really just the needle to inject NHL video games and feed my addiction. Originally just called NHL Hockey and then NHLPA Hockey 93 in its second year, the series fell into its familiar naming convention starting with NHL 94, to be followed by NHL 95 and so on. The day each new cartridge was released might as well have been a school holiday. There were tournaments; there was joy, there were tears; there was the 1993 Chicago Blackhawks lineup of Jeremy Roenick, Steve Larmer, Michel Goulet, Chris Chelios, Steve Smith and Ed Belfour; there was that memorable cameo in Swingers. It was magic.
Era of my life wasted: Early-to-late teens; sporadically throughout my early 20s; a short time in my late 20s; no doubt sometime in the not-too-distant future. Quite simply, nothing in this world makes the beer go down quite as well as NHL hockey on the Genesis does. Playing NHL hockey in the basement of my best friend’s Mom’s house wasn’t so much about video games as it was a testament to mind over matter and the ability of a Canadian teenager to eat Taco Bell, drink at least half a case of beer and still be able to deke the goalie and score on a breakaway, which will be forever known as “a 93”.
Final Thought:
After thinking back through my life as a gamer, I realized that Nintendos were like friends, the Atari was my first crush, the Genesis was my first love, and the Playstations were the girl I married and wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Sorry, Xbox, there's just no room for damn dirty whores in my life.
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